SCORING GOALS IN ENGLISH.

Games 34-35-36-37 of the eleventh season.

Blimey! What great games were played at the CDH last Saturday! Featuring an astonishing line-up of all-time legends (minus funny-or-not-funny jokester Seraphin Soly), each of the four games was more captivating and dramatic than the last, culminating in an unforgettable 4-3 victory with the winning goal scored right at the last minute. Holy cow! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! But the highlight of the matinee was definitely the career debut of fresh-off-the-boat Englishman William Neal, aka English Muffin (name not final), who played very well in his first-ever hockey games. Gosh darn it! The CDH's new mate showed everybody that being good at soccer (sorry, football) can help you be a better player than being good at improv (wink wink Soly, Dupuis and Dagenais). Goodness gracious! What a great Saturday it was!

Star of the day: The Butcher Mercier-Boucher. Back with a vengeance after a few weeks of disappointing performances, Mercier-Boucher was once again great at scoring goals, something that had not happened since giving birth to a huge pink ham last year. Jesus H Christ! She scored from every angle, in the slot, on a breakaway, like a plumber, you name it. Mercy me!

Disappointment of the day: Pic-Nic Krief. Good grief! The always-brown Krief was white as an albino guy from Laval because of a hangover, which slowed him down to a crawl like he was some sort of egyptian George Parros. Criminy! Scoring a goal and producing two assists, the "Arab" was nonetheless kept off the scoreboard in two of the four games, cementing his status as a chronic underachiever. He definitely needs to score more (that's what she said — I mean, that's what his therapist said).